i guess this is one of the days when i have read each tweet, refreshed my instagram page, seen each youtube videos, and read each facebook posts there is on social media. tomorrow will be the first Eidul Adha celebration without my family around and all i can do here is skype with them. which is kinda suckish. so hearing the takbir never fails to make me cry alone in my room, because the thought of being far away from my family sucks and i don't really have a true muslim friend that i think i can depend on.
i know i should be talking about how great being overseas and how great USF, that should be in another post where it is well organized and ill do that when my schedule is completely empty. well i should do that quick because my last post was when I was still in malaysia and that i had 32 days left to fly to san francisco. aaand now im here! alhamdulillah for that.
okay, back to my sad story being alone.
im not the kind of person yang suka bagitau the whole world about my feelings, as i am not much of a talker, but being here memang Allah is testing me in many MANY ways masyaAllah. honestly, there are times that i regret choosing USF because i don't have any seniors or malaysian friends with me. and i envy my friends from other colleges in the us who actually have kakak or abang yang dorang boleh refer to or depend on. well being here i have to be independent and find my own way. i didnt think of this as a big issue before coming here, but i can feel it now. but not most of the time, maybe i just feel the 'lonelyness' when i have nothing to do and when im done with all of my assignments. but im kinda trying to convince myself that all of this is only temporary, what matters is that i do well in my studies and learn from my mistakes and bring back what i learn here to malaysia. and be a better person insyaAllah. weekdays have been busy with school work and that is quite an advantage since that distracts me from thinking about home. above all i am really really greatful that i am here because i know many people don't get this awesome opportunity to actually study overseas. alhamdulillah for that.
the main reason im writing this is because i dont like to cry infront of people and tell about my feelings because i dont want others to worry about me. im doing fine, with my studies and stuff, its just that i miss home very much and if the internet and skype did not exist i wouldn't want to study overseas.
i think i am so pms right now and i cant control my emotions, but i know that Allah is always with me no matter what.
its 1am and i better go to sleep, and im planning to perform the eidul adha prayers tomorrow morning and i really hope mata tak sembab sbb menangis lebih malam ni. and its fall break so we got monday tuesday off, so i have time to go prayers in the mosque.
adios muchachas. assalamualaikum.
ps: im doing fine actually, ill wake up tomorrow morning and think to myself how stupid i was because of crying too much yesterday. blame on pms.