{ kalia ayun }: From a Granddaughter

Bismillahirrahmannirahim

Posts like this is something I wish not to do but I have to do.

My grandmother, Tok Arah (Zaharah Hashim), took her last breath at 7.30pm last Tuesday, February 18 on the hospital bed at Kluang Hospital. She had been hospitalized for 3 weeks straight and her condition wasn't getting better day by day.

I received the horrible news Tuesday morning (US time) and when I read the whatsapp and fb posts by my relatives I was in tears. I had class that afternoon and all I thought of was my grandmother and how I couldn't be in Kluang to see her for the last time. I couldn't concentrate and wasn't in the mood the whole day.

And I can't believe the last time I hugged and kissed her was August 10th 2013, which was half a year ago. We skyped a couple of times but it's different. I kept thinking of what I should've said to her before I flew to US. To say I love her and I'm proud that she's my grandmother.

All I wanted is to be in Kluang and be at the funeral, but I thought that if I were there, I can't handle all the sadness. Even hearing that Tok Atan cried made me feel worse. To see everyone crying of their loss friend, cousin, greatgrandmother, grandmother, mother and especially wife is something I don't want to see with my own eyes.

This post will be more of what I'm gonna miss about arwah Tok Arah and how she had a huge impact on all of us.

Everytime when we balik kampung, the first thing she would do when she sees her grandchildren is kiss them on the cheeks and forehead. That's one of the things I would miss a lot about her.

Her stories of my relatives and how she would remember all of them amazes me. I'm gonna miss her gossips in the kitchen.

But now who will I gossip with in the kitchen.

Last year I stayed with my grandparents in Kluang for a week, because my dad wanted me to learn to cook from the best chef, Tok Arah ofcourse. Bapak wanted me to learn to cook simple dishes before I fly and I did. One of the things we cooked that week was ikan asam pedas. Well we didn't cook that much because the portion was enough for the three of us for the whole week. She didn't need a cookbook because she had the recipe by memory. Cooking with her and being with her was comforting. She didn't want me to do a lot of work eventhough I offered to help her a lot of times.

But now who will I cook with when I'm in Kluang.

It's cute when Tok Atan and Tok Arah fight about little things, like when she told him to buy groceries, then Tok Atan had to go to the shop a couple of times because he didn't buy everything she asked for. She told him that he forgot about one item but then he said that she didn't even tell him to buy him that. Well of course both of them wanted to win. Then when Tok Atan's not around, she would gossip about him, but in the end she would laugh about it because how much she loved and cared about him.

But now who will Tok Atan buy groceries for.

Tok Arah is such a caring and loving person, when me and my family told her that we would come to visit, she would prepare the beds for us because we would arrive at night when they are asleep. We didn't told her to but she would do that every time. She would bring out the beds to the living and prepare all the pillows and blankets for us. Also, whenever we wanted to go back home, before we left, she would give her grandchildren some money eventhough when we said we didn't want it but she insisted and said "aahh takpe takpe"

I miss seeing the bond my grandparents had during the night. Every Monday (i think) they would watch wrestling together and I miss seeing them being very excited and enthusiastic watching the tv and commenting about the wrestlers. Both of them know all of the wrestlers names! Their reaction is priceless.

But now who will watch wrestling with Tok Atan, it wouldn't be the same anymore.

I remember the last thing she said to me was "belajar rajin2 eh"

I'm definitely going to miss her a lot. Kluang won't be the same without her.